The Cosmic Scandal: Safrons, Neblings, Farawis and Antics

Scandals come and go in Anticlockwise. The latest one though, the Cosmic Scandal, was particularly dramatic. It was as usual centred on the rich and powerful. The key protagonist was the Minister for Currency and Coinage, the exotically named Cosmicongo Spoletti. With a moniker like that he was asking for special media treatment. He was a gift that literally kept on giving. The scandal was consequently soon baptised the `Cosmic Scandal’ in the popular press. The tabloids were relentless in their pursuit of the Machiavellian financial activities of the Currency and Coinage Minister responsible for the economic stability of the Anticlockwise Empire.

I always feel safer when the authorities are embroiled in a scandal. They’re so involved in their own affairs that they tend to leave nonentities like us to our own devices. It’s hardly surprising when you think about it. They have to invest a lot of time and energy into avoiding being stabbed in the back by the plotters and schemers who surround them. So, when the scandals take centre stage we can all relax and go about our business in relative peace and calm.

Strangely, there wasn’t any sex involved in the `Cosmic Scandal’ – no lurid photographs of naked flesh on tabloid front pages, no embarrassing disclosures about Cosmicongo’s eccentricities or deviant tastes and proclivities. No. this was all about money – money from many different places.

For several months we’d all known that something strange had been happening in financial circles. Vast quantities of foreign notes had begun circulating on the black market. The authorities had made great efforts to shore up the value of the `antic’, the Anticlock currency, over the past two years but everyone knew that they were treading water and that a serious economic crisis was in the offing. Even Olaf Kaminski, an unconditional supporter of the Anticlock regime, was dealing in foreign notes.

The antic had in fact been devalued three times and had lost 50% of its value over the past year. Safrons from Safronika, neblings from Outer Neblus and farawis from the Faraway Galaxy were all seen as safer financial havens than the antic – especially farawis. For some inexplicable reason the value of the farawi had quadrupled in just two weeks. Everyone was on the lookout for farawis to make a quick buck.

Cosmic had been placed under arrest accused of money laundering, insider trading and illegal foreign exchange transactions. What was driving the tabloid press into a state of hysterical frenzy however was that he was suspected of collaborating with the Safronika Confederation, the sworn enemies of the Anticlocks. They alleged that he’d been trying to bring down the government. The rumour was that he’d sold state secrets to the Safronikans in exchange for a vast fortune that had been deposited in an ‘intergalactic’ Bank account beyond the reach of the Anticlock Empire. Cosmicongo was portrayed as a treacherous villain who should be spared no punishment.

That’s what the government-controlled newspapers were at pains to proclaim in lurid headlines. Who’s to know though what was really going on? The whole affair could have been dreamed up to eliminate Cosmicingo Spoletti himself who, some say, was getting far too big for his boots. It was well known that the Anticlock supreme commander was highly suspicious of Cosmic’s ambitions and saw him as a direct threat to his own political future.

That’s what Max Destino-Coin told me in confidence. As you know, I always listen when Max tells me something. Max is very big on conspiracy theories you see. Not that he’s got a political axe to grind. In many ways, Max is almost beyond politics and he’s certainly not burdened by any moral scruples. At heart he’s just a businessman looking for the next deal. Scandals are for him a gift-wrapped trading opportunity. While the attention of most people was focused on sensational stories of Cosmic’s demise, Max was operating in the background making money – lots of money

He confessed to me one evening at Infinity that he’d made a killing on farawis out of Cosmic’s misfortunes. The conspiratorial tone he adopted when he told me about it convinced me that what he’d been doing was far from legal. I even suspected that it might have been Max himself who’d orchestrated the whole affair as part of an enormous financial scam. But that would be just too far-fetched wouldn’t it?

Max bought me a glass of champagne to celebrate his windfall.

Zeb Solitanu

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Zeb Solitanu sketch by Jill

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